You know how I said yesterday was the nadir? Maybe it wasn't.

Maybe today is the nadir.

But, maybe it will be like all the stories of addiction and recovery that populate Oprah's book club; maybe I have to hit rock bottom before I can actually rise like a phoenix. I have to hit job-hunt rock bottom, then pull myself up my bootstraps, find a higher cause, and then I'll be employed at some awesome, progressive, smart, lucrative business that utilizes my particular traits and skills in the most harmonious, pleasing, and awesomely excellent ways. Maybe that is up next for me, because here is what I woke up to.

A check for $2,850.00

Now, I know we all think that this would be a good thing, but unless I want my full time job to be repairing my credit, dealing with identity theft, or explaining myself in court, this check is probably not a good thing. (As an aside - if you steal my identity, the joke's on you. Seriously.)

Here's the background:
Got this email after responding to a post (Craigslist? San Diego Works? Monster? Definitely not UCSD or Scripps). The red high-lighting is mine.

Detailed Job Description – Account Receivable Manager Our Company Name is Dawissa,We are a swiss based trade association that deal in the sales and distribution of wrist watches. The primary goal of the Administrative Officer is to provide local customer assistant to our clients within North America. You will be assisting our clients within North America, the assistance to be provided will include: payment collections and customer service. Your duties will include: - Collecting Local Payments When a buyer in United States decides to purchase an item through an online auction from our sellers he has the following payment options: pay pal, international wire transfer, international check, or local wire transfer. The quickest option of these is local wire transferring. Local wire transfers are the option that the sales support representative will provide to the clients. - Managing Data Along with the payments received from buyers you will be receiving details for these sales. These details will include items sold, price, and buyer's information. You are to file and maintain these purchasing records and transactions. - Forwarding of the Payments Once you receive each payment you will be keeping 10% as commission and forwarding the rest to the seller or representative, whose information will be provided prior each transaction. It is crucial to complete forwarding of the payments in a time efficient manner. Here is an example of a brief report: Date: August 8, '06 Buyer: Laura N. Smith Item: Movado Watch Price: $ 1,921.27 10% Commission : $ 192 Fees: $ 85 Total Forwarded: $1644.27 Forwarded to: Margo Narenzo, Barcelona, Spain Reference Numbers: 2349783981 - Fees, and Transferring Procedures All fees are covered by the company. The fees for transferring are simply deducted from the payments received. No client will contact you during initial stage of the trial period. After three weeks of the trial period you will begin to have contact with the buyers via email in regards to collection of the payments. For the first three weeks you will simply receive all of the transferring details, and payments, along with step by step guidance from your supervisor. You will be forwarding the received payments by wire transfer. Additional Information Salary During the trial period, you will be paid 2,000USD per month while working on average 3-4hours per day, plus 10% commission from every payment received and forwarded. The salary will be sent in the form of wire transfer directly to your account. After the trial period your base pay salary will go up to 2,200USD per month, plus 10% commission. Taxes You will receive a monthly invoice stating your total income. All applicable taxes are covered by the company. Your First Primary task (Collection of Payments): 1. Receive payment from our Customers or Clients. 2. Cash Payment at your Bank or any cashing facilities near you. 3. Deduct 10 % which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed 4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to, you'll have a lot of free time doing another job, because this job schedule is flexible, you'll get good income .But this job is very challenging and you should understand it. Please kindly fill your details below, so that you can get started. Personal Information Full Name: Address: City: State/Province: Postal Code: Residential Phone Number: Mobile: Regards

Dodgy, yes? Totally. Especially since their email makes no sense. Especially since Dawissa is not a company I could find ANYWHERE on the internet. Especially since they are talking some serious crazy talk about the "local wire transfer". Especially since I sent them a resume, so the had my name, address, etc etc etc.

So, just to see what was up, I sent them an email asking for their company's website, to which I get this response (Posted yesterday as an example of the crap email's I have been getting).
Dear Applicant This is to inform you that you have been formally appointed by our organization.This is based on the achievement of all requirements needed to work for our Company. I want to seize this opportunity to congratulate you and welcome you to the organization.This is a part time job work from home.I have verified all the information's you provided and they are valid. Please we will like to know how honest you are and how can we trust you with our funds. Once again,I say congratulations and Welcome to the company. I also want to seize this opportunity to inform you that your information's have been forward to our customer / Client, I have instructed one of our clients in the USA who is ready to make payment to issue out a check to you on our behalf. I will later update you with the full details about the payment you will receive from our client. You must follow the instructions below:

1. Receive payment from our Customers or Clients.
2. Cash Payment at your Bank or any cashing facilities near you.
3. Deduct 10 % which will be your percentage/pay on Payment processed

4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment. Regards.

More dodgy crap.

I forwarded both the emails on to spam@uce.gov, felt like a good citizen, and forgot about it.

Today, we wake up to a UPS Next Day Air Envelope, addressed to me, with a nothing in the envelope save a $2850.00 check.

Here are the things that are totally ridiculous:

• The check is made out to me.
• I've never talked to these people.
  
• The UPS was sent from Mercer Island, WA, but the check is from Cincinnati, OH.
• The address for for the company on the check does not match the address for the company shown on their website. Tres sloppy.
• The font on the check is Comic Sans, which is just lame.
• The best thing of all, the company name on the check is Pro Scope Systems. Wow. They sell used endoscopes.

Basically, that last little detail is the lovely tidbit of this whole story. I could make all sorts of tasteless analogies to "one taking it in the *ss", but I'll refrain.

As for the "what comes next" part of the story, we passed this little gem of a story on to our dear friend who worked for many years as a Forensic Accountant in law enforcement. I am waiting until I hear back from him before I shred the check and move on to my next awesome job opportunity.









































UPDATE:

We heard back from our favourite cop and forensic accountant! His reply:

One word: COUNTERFEIT! This is one of the newer scams going all over the place.

My brother almost got sucked into this too. His wife was looking for a gig and ended up receiving one of these UPS/FEDEX packages with a check for $1,500 the day after her inquiry. You will find if you go onto the UPS website and track the shipping label number you will find where the package was actually picked up from (or dropped off).

Tomorrow you will receive the e-mail telling you to cash the check through your bank account, to keep a portion, and then send the rest of it by a Western Union money gram to some non-descript location - possibly foreign location.

The MICR info on the bottom of the check will be a legit routing number and the account number may even be real. But more than likely the account number belongs to a completely different company. The person cashing the check is left holding the bag once the check is returned as a forgery.

A visit with the PD will be a good idea. The problem with this is that it will get a low priority rating because of the shear volume if these type of cases.

You should send a photo of you handing the check you received to the nice policeman and a copy of the offense report to whatever address they send you.